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                        理由等

                        時間:2019-06-07 作者:未詳 點擊:

                          理由
                          
                          一個父親開車接女兒回家,無意中按了汽車喇叭。
                          
                          女兒轉過頭,疑惑地看著父親。
                          
                          “我是不小心按到的。”父親說。
                          
                          “我知道,爸爸。”女兒說。
                          
                          “你是怎么知道的?”父親問。
                          
                          女兒答:“因為你按喇叭時沒說‘蠢貨’。”
                          
                          了解你
                          
                          我下班回家,還沒來得及換鞋,老婆就問:“你今天發獎金了?”
                          
                          我一驚:“沒有啊!”
                          
                          老婆冷笑道:“還敢撒謊!快點把藏在鞋里的錢給我掏出來!”
                          
                          頓時,我的冷汗就流下來了:“你……你咋知道的?”
                          
                          老婆揚揚自得地說:“跟你結婚這么久了,你個子多高,我還能不知道?”
                          
                          重寫
                          
                          在小區里撿到一只漂亮的純種狗,為此老公寫了一則啟事,打算貼到社區的公告欄里。
                          
                          他是這樣寫的:小狗,雄性,近九個月大,無項圈,很溫順,發現于石橋路。
                          
                          我擔心這樣透露太多的細節會給那些昧著良心要狗的人以可乘之機,于是在我的堅持下,老公重新寫了啟事。
                          
                          他是這樣寫的:猜猜我撿到了什么?
                          
                          安慰
                          
                          同桌考試沒發揮好,我剛想安慰他一下,卻聽見他自言自語道:“沒想到上天給了我英俊的外表,卻不給我無敵的大腦。”
                          
                          實話實說
                          
                          妻子:“你覺得我今天怎么樣?”丈夫:“你這身衣服真漂亮!”
                          
                          妻子:“再給你一次機會,實話實說!”丈夫:“你穿這件衣服很丑,而且顯胖。”
                          
                          妻子:“你說什么?!”丈夫:“哦,親愛的,你該買新衣服了!”
                          
                          看電視
                          
                          昨天我跟老公看電視,女主角在沙發上睡著了,男主角就橫抱起女主角,然后將她放在床上,蓋好被子。
                          
                          我跟老公“吐槽”說:“太‘狗血’了,睡著了被抱起來,是我肯定就醒了啊。”
                          
                          老公說:“可不是。要抱你的話,我還得先熱一下身,一邊抱一邊還得喊一二三,一次都不一定抱得起來,你說能不醒嗎?”
                          
                          嚇死他
                          
                          老媽剛換智能手機的時候,老爸手把手地教她怎樣使用,還幫老媽下載了微信。結果剛注冊好,就有人加老媽,還跟老媽要照片。
                          
                          老媽笑著跟老爸說:“看咱這魅力,你說我給他發嗎?”
                          
                          老爸惡狠狠地回道:“發!干嗎不發?嚇死這個王八蛋!”
                          
                          善解人意
                          
                          去發廊理發,我跟理發師細細交代:“前面多留點,后面推干凈,要做出層次感,最好做出蓬起來的效果……”
                          
                          理發師看著我,笑容可掬地說:“放心吧,什么發型能遮大臉,我最清楚!”
                          
                          減壓
                          
                          甲問:“為什么你會以狂吃東西的方式減壓?”
                          
                          乙答:“因為吃胖了,身體的表面積就變大了,感覺壓強會小一點。”
                          
                          為什么
                          
                          昨晚請女同事吃飯,菜端上來她沒吃兩口就不吃了。
                          
                          我關心地問道:“你為什么……”
                          
                          她笑著打斷我說:“你是想問我為什么吃這么少嗎?”
                          
                          我說:“我是想問你為什么吃這么少,還這么胖?”

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